Ruler of the Seas (1977)

-Written by John Cajio.

By the time Ruler of the Seas was over, I deeply regretted my choice to watch the movie completely sober. I suspect it would have been much more entertaining if I had had a couple of beers while watching this insane film. As it was, this was one of those films that was entertaining on occasion in a bad sort of way. This is one of those films that could have wound up on Mystery Science Theater 3000. 

Ruler of the Seas seems to take place in the 15th century following the rise of Mehmed the Conqueror. It’s occasionally hard to tell because of the fairly rampant anachronisms, like the scenes in the fortress of a different regional ruler who apparently has lightbulbs in his grand foyer. Anyway, when the Black Pirate (Piero Fabiani) and his merry crew of pirates (seriously, they laugh a lot—very merry indeed!) takes over a Turkish naval flagship (in broad daylight through a loud swimming ambush), they take the ship’s captain, Pasha Yunus (Turgut Özatay), captive and then rampage their way through any Turkish village they come across along the coast of the Mediterranean. It’s not long before Kara Murat (Cüneyt Arkin) is dispatched by the Sultan to rescue the captain and put a stop to the pirates.

I need to talk about Kara Murat for a moment. This dude is like an ancient Turkish Superman. There isn’t a goddamned thing this guy can’t do. Ride a horse like a badass? Check. Dispatch pirates with both significant ease and an Errol-Flynn-like panache? Check. Swim miles through the Mediterranean Sea to shore without a word merely because the film’s hot chick told him to? Check. The ability to casually drink anyone under the table at all times whilst remaining stone cold sober? Check. This dude is painted as the very ideal picture of machismo. It’s hilarious. And Arkin revels in the physicality of the role, even as his delivery of his many lines is pretty damn stiff. 

Let me sum up the rest of the critique here. The story written by Fuat Özlüer, Erdogan Tünas, and Rahmi Muratoglu is perfunctory at best and totally predictable all the way through. The direction by Natuk Baytan leaves a lot to be desired. The random push-ins on people not even actually involved in the scene is initially funny before it gets pretty old. The foley is hilariously terrible. A woman wearing soft leather boots isn’t supposed to sound like she’s wearing stiletto heels, for example. 

If you are going to watch this film, I suggest having a choice beverage in hand. Also, I recommend watching it with others, MST3K style. Otherwise, it’s going to be a painful experience. Ruler of the Seas sucks without choice beverages and friends available.  Ruler of the Seas does not suck with them in hand. 

Directed by Natuk Baytan.

Written by Fuat Özlüer, Erdogan Tünas, & Rahmi Muratoglu.  

Starring Cüneyt Arkin, Piero Fabiani, Turgut Özatay, etc.

2/10 IF WATCHING WITHOUT FRIENDS AND CHOICE BEVERAGES (AVOID IT AT ALL COSTS)

7/10 IF WATCHING WITH THEM (WATCH IT FOR FREE)

(IT BOTH SUCKS AND DOES NOT SUCK)